Home-education is.....just really difficult sometimes.
If you have time to look at the other pages in this section, you'll see a recurring theme: dealing with feelings of discouragement. Why do I write about that so much? It is because home-education is actually really, really hard work. Sometimes when I tell people what I do they look at me as if I am quite mad, and they have a point: home-education can be incredibly challenging!
What makes it so difficult? Well, for one thing it is very unusual for one person to play the role of wife, mother and teacher. There isn't much of an historical precedent for it, so there's not much guidance from our forefathers (foremothers?!). In days gone by, if you were an ordinary mother you would have 'kept house' and either your children would have received no formal education or (from the 19th century onwards) they would have gone to school. Even if you were an educated noble lady, you would have employed tutors for your children (and had servants to keep house so you could do whatever ladies of leisure used to do). Never before have ordinary mothers felt called upon to simultaneously cope with all the demands of home and family, and at the same time educate their children.
Another thing which makes what we are doing so difficult is the breakdown of community. We live in an age when mothers are more isolated than they have ever been before, when, indeed, mothers-at-home are becoming a rarity (we are often the only stay- at- home mother on the whole street). Most of us no longer live in the town or village where we grew up and so do not have extended family close by (even those who do live near family members often find that - because of a breakdown in Catholic culture - what they are doing will be disapproved of by the family).
If you add this to the already quite enormous burden of having to teach ourselves how to become teachers and somehow pass on to our children all the knowledge and skills which our current society demands (and which, in quantity if not quality are greater than ever in history), you can see that when you undertake the education of your children at home, you are setting yourself quite a challenge. My point in writing all this is not to discourage you but to help you to see that if you find yourself struggling (which, unless you either enormously gifted, superhuman or already a saint you inevitably will), it's highly likely that the problem does not lie with you and your perceived deficiencies. You've taken on a huge task, and that is why in my humble opinion it is absolutely essential to talk with other like-minded mothers and to meet with them as often as you can (not necessarily in a group setting but just visiting each other's homes).
Elsewhere I've written that our own needs to socialise are no less important than those of our children (perhaps they are more important, because if you are feeling isolated and lonely, this will be reflected in the way you deal with your children). We are the ones with the pressures to face, the boxes to tick, the high expectations to fulfil, the seemingly impossible tasks to accomplish; we need to accept that and look for help where we can find it.
I've also written somewhere on this site that home-education is very good for your spiritual life because it is very humbling. One aspect of this is to remember the wise words of St Francis de Sales (and countless other saints) that if we become discouraged by our failures, perhaps it is because we are putting too much trust in our own strength. So, if you find yourself thinking, 'I can't do this!', in one sense you are right: you can't do it alone, but that is not a reason to give up. In this daunting, inspiring, exhausting, blessed, infuriating, rewarding and seemingly thankless task which we have taken upon ourselves, we need to humbly ask God for His help, and to ask for the help of those around us too. Ironically, it seems, the more we try to stand on our own two feet and be self-sufficient, the more likely we are to fall down.
If you have time to look at the other pages in this section, you'll see a recurring theme: dealing with feelings of discouragement. Why do I write about that so much? It is because home-education is actually really, really hard work. Sometimes when I tell people what I do they look at me as if I am quite mad, and they have a point: home-education can be incredibly challenging!
What makes it so difficult? Well, for one thing it is very unusual for one person to play the role of wife, mother and teacher. There isn't much of an historical precedent for it, so there's not much guidance from our forefathers (foremothers?!). In days gone by, if you were an ordinary mother you would have 'kept house' and either your children would have received no formal education or (from the 19th century onwards) they would have gone to school. Even if you were an educated noble lady, you would have employed tutors for your children (and had servants to keep house so you could do whatever ladies of leisure used to do). Never before have ordinary mothers felt called upon to simultaneously cope with all the demands of home and family, and at the same time educate their children.
Another thing which makes what we are doing so difficult is the breakdown of community. We live in an age when mothers are more isolated than they have ever been before, when, indeed, mothers-at-home are becoming a rarity (we are often the only stay- at- home mother on the whole street). Most of us no longer live in the town or village where we grew up and so do not have extended family close by (even those who do live near family members often find that - because of a breakdown in Catholic culture - what they are doing will be disapproved of by the family).
If you add this to the already quite enormous burden of having to teach ourselves how to become teachers and somehow pass on to our children all the knowledge and skills which our current society demands (and which, in quantity if not quality are greater than ever in history), you can see that when you undertake the education of your children at home, you are setting yourself quite a challenge. My point in writing all this is not to discourage you but to help you to see that if you find yourself struggling (which, unless you either enormously gifted, superhuman or already a saint you inevitably will), it's highly likely that the problem does not lie with you and your perceived deficiencies. You've taken on a huge task, and that is why in my humble opinion it is absolutely essential to talk with other like-minded mothers and to meet with them as often as you can (not necessarily in a group setting but just visiting each other's homes).
Elsewhere I've written that our own needs to socialise are no less important than those of our children (perhaps they are more important, because if you are feeling isolated and lonely, this will be reflected in the way you deal with your children). We are the ones with the pressures to face, the boxes to tick, the high expectations to fulfil, the seemingly impossible tasks to accomplish; we need to accept that and look for help where we can find it.
I've also written somewhere on this site that home-education is very good for your spiritual life because it is very humbling. One aspect of this is to remember the wise words of St Francis de Sales (and countless other saints) that if we become discouraged by our failures, perhaps it is because we are putting too much trust in our own strength. So, if you find yourself thinking, 'I can't do this!', in one sense you are right: you can't do it alone, but that is not a reason to give up. In this daunting, inspiring, exhausting, blessed, infuriating, rewarding and seemingly thankless task which we have taken upon ourselves, we need to humbly ask God for His help, and to ask for the help of those around us too. Ironically, it seems, the more we try to stand on our own two feet and be self-sufficient, the more likely we are to fall down.