What about those days when everything just seems to go wrong and you begin to wonder why you ever thought for one single moment you could teach your children at home...
You are having a bad day. Your eight year old son seems to forgotten everything you've ever taught him about how to do subtractions (in fact he seems to have left his brain in bed that morning); or, your toddler decides to throw a tantrum just as your five year old is trying really hard to practice her reading and you really need to listen carefully (at the same moment the baby wakes up, noisy and hungry); or, your thirteen year old declares that he is never, ever going to master Latin so what's the point in trying, and closes his books five minutes into the lesson; or (this is a really bad day) all these things happen at once (and the dinner's about to burn). You feel panicky and think perhaps you must be crazy even to be attempting this. Questions pop into your head (maybe you say them aloud to the baby or the kitchen sink): Will these children ever learn anything? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this home-educating lark. Maybe he'd be better off in school...and so on. Later, when the chaos has subsided and all is well again you might look online for help, seeking a website or blog which will solve all your problems, but it isn't there: in the end you just feel even more overwhelmed than you did before. It just seems as if everyone else knows what they are doing and no-one seems to find home-education as hard as you do. What do you do?!
The first thing is to try really hard not to let it all get to you, not to get discouraged. I hope that doesn't sound either too blindingly obvious, or glib. The truth is that we all have bad days - sometimes awful days (even those super-homeschooling-mom bloggers have bad days - they just aren't likely to choose to talk about those days on their blogs.*) Obviously, if things really are not working at all, day after day, week after week and everyone is getting miserable, then maybe you do need to sit down and discuss this soberly with your spouse when the children are not around. But that is very different from panicking/getting discouraged when you have a bad day in the context of things generally going fairly well.
* I'm afraid I once wrote a bit of a rant about the concept of 'the perfect homeschooling mom', which you can read here if you feel so inclined. Must have been having a bad day!
Look for small changes you can make
As I've said on another page, don't spend precious time searching online for the system which will be the answer to all your problems, because someone else's answer is never going to quite be the one for you. Of course, you might well find something that really, practically helps resolve a particular problem you are facing, and that's great. But it might be more helpful in the long term to sit down and think things through about your own unique situation (your day, your schedule, your family) until you find something you can change. This might be something very simple: could you swap meal times around and cook in the middle of the day, leaving the early evening free, or forget the typical 9am start and just teach when the baby naps? Could you ask a friend or grandparent to help once a week, or share some lessons with another mum? If you have older children who need work marking, could dad help out?
One of the most important things to mention here is socialization. This is a buzz word in home-educating circles: almost the first thing people say to you is ,'But what about socialization?' They are referring to the children of course, but I think it is equally if not more important for mothers to socialise. One of the biggest dangers in home-educating is to find yourself getting isolated, and as a consequence growing lonely and getting discouraged or even depressed (unless you are the sort of person who is naturally self sufficient and perfectly happy to spend all day everyday with no adult company...). Avoiding this scenario is just as important as getting the academics right or getting your children to extra curricular activities: the bottom line is that if you are not happy your children are not likely to be happy either. Yes, your children need to socialise but so do you: you need to see friends, you need to chat to other like minded mums, you need to stay sane. All your workbooks and plans won't be worth much if you are not in a fit state to teach with them!
Here are a few examples of small changes that have made a big difference in our family:
- One of our babies would wake and demand attention every morning - like clockwork - at 9am on the dot. It seemed designed to drive me to despair. All was peace and quite, we'd make our morning offering and move towards the table when wham: waaa waaa waaaa! If I tried to focus on lessons, he would just cry louder. One day I just decided that for a while we'd be starting lessons at 10am instead. It made the most astonishing difference. Everyone was much happier!
- One of my two year olds would play up and be troublesome when I tried to start lessons after breakfast. He wanted mummy time! So, I decided to spend the first hour of the day sorting the house out (preparing food, doing laundry, whatever it was - doing 'real' jobs so that he could jog along beside me, 'help' and chat). By 10am he'd run off happily to play and we'd get on with lessons: the other boys came to the lesson happier too as they'd had time to run around more after breakfast).
- Later, when my oldest son was almost 12 and our sixth son was born, I was struggling to cope with the more challenging lessons (and nascent adolescent stroppiness). I really was seriously considering school for him. Then my husband stepped in and even though he has a long and tiring commute, he took over that son's lessons completely, set them at the weekends and marked them every evening. I took over again later as GCSEs approached but my husband had given me the breathing space I needed. (He still sets and marks lessons for secondary school ages up to GCSE).
- A group of mums I know meet up in each others houses once a week and share lessons: one teaches basic sciences, another music and another drama. The kids get to learn and socialise and the mums get to chat a bit.
And don't forget, if your children are still primary age you can easily take a week or two (or longer) off to sort things out without it having any detrimental effect whatsoever. Even if they are older, sometimes taking a break is just what is needed: ploughing on through a schedule when things clearly are not working isn't going to do anyone any good!
Here is an article I wrote about my own 'typical' day in home-educating, specifically about trying to schedule and fit it all in (at the time I had seven children aged 8 months to 13).
You are having a bad day. Your eight year old son seems to forgotten everything you've ever taught him about how to do subtractions (in fact he seems to have left his brain in bed that morning); or, your toddler decides to throw a tantrum just as your five year old is trying really hard to practice her reading and you really need to listen carefully (at the same moment the baby wakes up, noisy and hungry); or, your thirteen year old declares that he is never, ever going to master Latin so what's the point in trying, and closes his books five minutes into the lesson; or (this is a really bad day) all these things happen at once (and the dinner's about to burn). You feel panicky and think perhaps you must be crazy even to be attempting this. Questions pop into your head (maybe you say them aloud to the baby or the kitchen sink): Will these children ever learn anything? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this home-educating lark. Maybe he'd be better off in school...and so on. Later, when the chaos has subsided and all is well again you might look online for help, seeking a website or blog which will solve all your problems, but it isn't there: in the end you just feel even more overwhelmed than you did before. It just seems as if everyone else knows what they are doing and no-one seems to find home-education as hard as you do. What do you do?!
The first thing is to try really hard not to let it all get to you, not to get discouraged. I hope that doesn't sound either too blindingly obvious, or glib. The truth is that we all have bad days - sometimes awful days (even those super-homeschooling-mom bloggers have bad days - they just aren't likely to choose to talk about those days on their blogs.*) Obviously, if things really are not working at all, day after day, week after week and everyone is getting miserable, then maybe you do need to sit down and discuss this soberly with your spouse when the children are not around. But that is very different from panicking/getting discouraged when you have a bad day in the context of things generally going fairly well.
* I'm afraid I once wrote a bit of a rant about the concept of 'the perfect homeschooling mom', which you can read here if you feel so inclined. Must have been having a bad day!
Look for small changes you can make
As I've said on another page, don't spend precious time searching online for the system which will be the answer to all your problems, because someone else's answer is never going to quite be the one for you. Of course, you might well find something that really, practically helps resolve a particular problem you are facing, and that's great. But it might be more helpful in the long term to sit down and think things through about your own unique situation (your day, your schedule, your family) until you find something you can change. This might be something very simple: could you swap meal times around and cook in the middle of the day, leaving the early evening free, or forget the typical 9am start and just teach when the baby naps? Could you ask a friend or grandparent to help once a week, or share some lessons with another mum? If you have older children who need work marking, could dad help out?
One of the most important things to mention here is socialization. This is a buzz word in home-educating circles: almost the first thing people say to you is ,'But what about socialization?' They are referring to the children of course, but I think it is equally if not more important for mothers to socialise. One of the biggest dangers in home-educating is to find yourself getting isolated, and as a consequence growing lonely and getting discouraged or even depressed (unless you are the sort of person who is naturally self sufficient and perfectly happy to spend all day everyday with no adult company...). Avoiding this scenario is just as important as getting the academics right or getting your children to extra curricular activities: the bottom line is that if you are not happy your children are not likely to be happy either. Yes, your children need to socialise but so do you: you need to see friends, you need to chat to other like minded mums, you need to stay sane. All your workbooks and plans won't be worth much if you are not in a fit state to teach with them!
Here are a few examples of small changes that have made a big difference in our family:
- One of our babies would wake and demand attention every morning - like clockwork - at 9am on the dot. It seemed designed to drive me to despair. All was peace and quite, we'd make our morning offering and move towards the table when wham: waaa waaa waaaa! If I tried to focus on lessons, he would just cry louder. One day I just decided that for a while we'd be starting lessons at 10am instead. It made the most astonishing difference. Everyone was much happier!
- One of my two year olds would play up and be troublesome when I tried to start lessons after breakfast. He wanted mummy time! So, I decided to spend the first hour of the day sorting the house out (preparing food, doing laundry, whatever it was - doing 'real' jobs so that he could jog along beside me, 'help' and chat). By 10am he'd run off happily to play and we'd get on with lessons: the other boys came to the lesson happier too as they'd had time to run around more after breakfast).
- Later, when my oldest son was almost 12 and our sixth son was born, I was struggling to cope with the more challenging lessons (and nascent adolescent stroppiness). I really was seriously considering school for him. Then my husband stepped in and even though he has a long and tiring commute, he took over that son's lessons completely, set them at the weekends and marked them every evening. I took over again later as GCSEs approached but my husband had given me the breathing space I needed. (He still sets and marks lessons for secondary school ages up to GCSE).
- A group of mums I know meet up in each others houses once a week and share lessons: one teaches basic sciences, another music and another drama. The kids get to learn and socialise and the mums get to chat a bit.
And don't forget, if your children are still primary age you can easily take a week or two (or longer) off to sort things out without it having any detrimental effect whatsoever. Even if they are older, sometimes taking a break is just what is needed: ploughing on through a schedule when things clearly are not working isn't going to do anyone any good!
Here is an article I wrote about my own 'typical' day in home-educating, specifically about trying to schedule and fit it all in (at the time I had seven children aged 8 months to 13).